Hi. Um… it’s Jenn. Remember me? Started a blog last year and then basically fell off the face of the Earth in late July? Hey!
Yeah, that’s when Coach got back from his vacation. That’s when I was having minor panic attacks about the thought of him wanting to be my boyfriend. When all I wanted was for us to stick to what we were doing – what we had DTRed – and not jump into anything serious, or anything I wasn’t sure I wanted. Or wanted with him… Remember that?
Well, a lot has changed.
The morning after he got back… The morning after my last blog post… he told me he had read my blog. Instead of the nice but mindless beach read or pile of trashy magazines that normal people choose to read on their vacation, he chose to read my blog.
My immediate response was, “oh… fuck.”
It didn’t help that he chose to tell me at 8:30 in the morning, just 15 minutes before we were supposed to leave so I could be at work on time. But, being as I had no other choice but to talk to him about it, we talked. And talked. And talked more. And while he said he didn’t care about who I’d made out with on St. Patrick’s Day, or that I had talked to my Mom about my anxiety of being on top during sex… he didn’t like that I had defined us as being in a “situationship”.
This lead us to a number of additional conversations about what we were and what we wanted… during which he would refer to things I had said in my blog as if it were some guide to our relationship. Two weeks and a handful of tense conversations later, I got fed up and told him that he needed to stop referencing my blog like it was the Bible. He said he would when I did. I snapped and told him I hadn’t written in a few weeks and really didn’t know if I could again.
And that was the truth.
I didn’t know if I could write. Things had gotten complicated once I knew he’d read it. Even though much of it wasn’t even about him, I was afraid that he would continue to read it and use it as a cheat sheet (of sorts) to our relationship. That I would need to sensor myself. We still weren’t exclusive, and he hadn’t wanted to be my boyfriend so I had no intention of changing my behavior to play the part of his girlfriend.
So I stopped writing.
Every so often I would think about writing. A lot has happened in the last five plus months and more than a handful of people told me they missed my blog or needed an update.
Well here it is:
I lost 25 lbs with Noom. Gained 10ish back since July. Set a personal record in my 4th 5K of 2018, and met my goal of running five 5Ks by the end of the year. I started Noom again in an attempt to get back on track. I wanted to see 199 by the end of 2018, but didn’t make it – thanks holiday food, desserts, and alcohol. My wallet also thanks you. A friend of mine is getting married in July and asked me to be in the wedding party. So I’m feeling motivated to look the best I ever have for that.
I realized I haven’t really been drinking as much as I used to. Blame old age… or the fact that I’m pretty sure I’ve developed an allergy to some sort of alcohol… it’s not gin (thank God), that just makes me cry. I started the new year with a bottomless brunch in DC and five margaritas… which made me vow to go without alcohol for the month of January. Wish me luck.
“Oh my God, Jenn! Tell us about Coach already!”
If you follow me on Instagram you already know…
Coach and I broke up in September.
I mean, technically I broke up with him. It was this whole thing about me not wanting a relationship and really I was starting to wonder if I was keeping him from meeting someone with whom he could actually find a relationship.
And then three days later…
We got back together.
Because I was miserable.
I realized I never really gave us a chance to be more than what I had thought I wanted – a boyfriend by function but not label or commitment. And that wasn’t fair. I decided if Coach and I really weren’t going to work out it was NOT going to be for lack of trying.
So for the last three months that’s exactly what we’ve been doing – trying.
We’ve gotten into countless “things” that have required talking through. There have been frustration and tears, but also joy and hugs. We went to my sister’s birthday party. We socialized with my friends. We shared a birthday weekend and treated ourselves to a Patriots game.
I spent time with someone else and quickly realized I wished I were with Coach.
So Coach and I spent more time together. We socialized with his friends. We celebrated Christmas with my family. We went to Washington DC to ring in the New Year… where we also spent time with friends AND got into a thing (or two)
But at some point during all of that, we fell for each other. I said it first. He felt it first.
And that’s that.
We still aren’t exclusive (I’ll write more about why later), but he’s my boyfriend now. And I’m his girlfriend.
I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend before… new year, new boo?