Last night. In the middle of eating dinner. I received a text. From a guy. That I went out on two dates with. In April…
Now, this text didn’t say much and was clearly copied and pasted and sent out to all of his phone contacts. He finished his movie (he won awards) and I’m getting the text because we are “friends”.
Did I mention we went out twice? And both times were a little off. I actually wrote about him before… there were a number of red flags and dealbreakers. And I knew not even halfway into date numero dos that I did not ever want to see him again.
Of course this was before I grew a pair and put ghosting behind me. So I ghosted him. Except idk if you can really ghost someone who continues to text you ever two weeks or so for like three months after the initial nonresponse… But yeahhhh. He texted me last night.
So my point isn’t actually that he texted me. I’m grateful it wasn’t the “hey???” or just “???????????” that he had been in the habit of sending previously. My point is that he still has my phone number. Over one year later (say that in the Spongebob narrator voice or don’t say it at all).
Maybe I’m a unicorn, or maybe this is yet another sign that I have an ice heart, but I go through my phone pretty regularly and delete unwanted and unused phone numbers. A person I did a group project with in college? Delete. Someone I used to be friends with but at some point things just faded out? Delete. A GUY I DATED AND NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN? Boy bye.
Literally the only exception to that rule is if for some reason I feel like he’s going to pop up out of nowhere. #ThisGuy. I actually kept his number for a month or two, because I just knew he wasn’t going to be one to go away easily. I had done the same things with the borderline crazy guy I went out with in November. And not shockingly, once I did delete his number, he messaged me from his Apple account. Did I borderline crazy? That’s another story and I will tell it.
But this guy still has my number. What for And to text me after a year? If I didn’t respond within the first two months, there’s no way in hell that I’m going to respond now (though I did feel the strongest urge to respond to alert him to the severe typo in his message).
So when do you pull the trigger?
It’s different for everyone. But spoiler: if it’s been a year, it’s time.
Other times to consider:
- If you never even met up in the first place!
- After a date where it’s obvious neither one of you is going to reach out for another date.
- Once you send the breakup text and get the appropriate response.
- If you’re scrolling through your contacts and you have no idea who “Jake” is. It’s not Jake from State Farm so it’s not worth saving.
- When you realize t your contacts are first names followed by a flame 🔥 or bee 🐝 emoji. If you haven’t found out the persons last name after a month, he’s a) a serial killer or b) you need to work on your Facebook stalking game.
Delete. Delete. Delete!
Note that I’m not just talking about phone numbers… Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram. No need to stay connected to people who aren’t really part of your life.
Last summer I went out with this guy maybe three or four times. After the first date he had added me on Facebook and Instagram. After he essentially ghosted me (yet to this day continues to like my shit on IG), I felt weird about unfriending and unfollowing him. I thought he would know and then it would be awkward. But you know what’s awkward?… ghosting someone and then liking there shit on IG!! DELETE.
Speaking of ghosts, same logic rings true for Snapchat. Why keep letting a guy who asked “what’s your snap?” within his first five Tinder messages see what’s going on in your life? Don’t. He only asked hoping that you’d send him “a pic” (of your tits). DELETE.
So, if you’re reading this thinking of someone. It’s time. Delete. And be free!
And just a friendly PSA
Deleting someone’s number is not mean. And it doesn’t have to be reserved for people you had thought about sleeping with. People come and go in our lives, and there is nothing wrong with clearing out the clutter every now and then. Especially if they are toxic. Delete.
And who knows, if they come back to say “hey”… you can always say “new phone, who dis?”
*Apparently I went out with him in early May… but you know… it’s been a wHile.