I Plead Not Guilty

Ok so last night was a bit of a weird one… but overall fun. Following work, I went to the Trillium Beer Garden on the Greenway to meet up with two different groups of friends. My friend “Ike” was there and he insisted that include him in whatever blog post I write today… so hi Ike.

Following the beer garden, one of the groups went to another bar downtown and then to Felipe’s in Harvard Square, where we met up with Lucky.

He and I hadn’t really talked much since the last time I saw him after the baseball game, but I was glad to see him and I think we both were hoping to get some alone time… which of course didn’t happen.

After a few hours of indecisiveness about what our next stop would be, and just generally moving slowly to go anywhere, it seemed like the group was about to just call it quits and go there own way. At which point Lucky tells me he can drive me home in a way that is kind of like “hey, I can drive you home… wink wink”. I want to make a joke about riding in more than a car right now but I’m a little brain dead. Thanks to lack of sleep…

See at that point people were still trying to do something so I was like “we can all go to my apartment”, not even thinking that would mess up my chances of booking up with Lucky. So a small group of us end up at my apartment and we drank a little and played LIFE (Yes, the game) until 4:00 in the morning. Shockingly I didn’t have any children and only bought one house. Lucky left with the other guys and idk if it was just me thinking it was awkward, but we didn’t even hug goodbye… sooo yeah.

I slept until 11:30 this morning, totally skipping my planned run in preparation for tomorrow’s 5k. And at some point during the night I had a dream that I saw Coach today and right in front of him I asked my friend where I ended up last night, thinking I had gone home with someone… aka not Coach. So he got all mad and asked why I wouldn’t have just gone home and who I thought I spent my night with. It was not pleasant. The rest of my dream consisted of us arguing about it and I just kept telling him that we’re not exclusive so I did nothing wrong… also I don’t think I even went home with someone else. Even in my dreams -___-

Sooo maybe it doesn’t mean anything… but it seems like I might be subconsciously feeling guilty about wanting to hook up with Lucky again! What is that?!! As we all know, Coach and I are not exclusive and he has made no mention of a desire for us to be exclusive. And I keep going back and forth on if I’d even say yes if he asked. I mean… I think I might, but I’ve gotten so used to the freedom of not being in an exclusive relationship.

So I plead not guilty! I have no reason to feel guilty!!!!!! Right? (Can you tell I’m trying to convince myself more than I’m trying to convince y’all?)

I had a long conversation about this whole not being exclusive thing with one of my best friends when he was visiting from DC. Anddddd while I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me wanting to “have my cake (Coach) and eat it too (others, including Lucky), I’m wondering if he has a point about not being able to maintain it.

Even my friend in Seattle just broke up with a guy she’d been seeing… not because she didn’t like him or enjoy spending time with him… but because she didn’t like him enough and didn’t see it going anywhere. Is that where I am with Coach?

I really don’t know.

If I am guilty, someone needs to offer me a plea deal fast!


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