Boys

Coach vs. Cat

The other night, Coach mentioned that we’ve been seeing each other for five months. Knowing damn well how long we’ve been seeing each other, I said “Oh my god! Has it really been that long!” in a way that I think was pretty convincing. #ThatswhyIminoredindrama

He doesn’t know that I have a weird thing where I remember dates that to anyone else would seem unimportant. January 19, 2004 was the day I found out that the guy I liked in 8th grade had broken up with his “longtime” girlfriend. They had broken up on January 17th. His birthday is March 11th. The guy I liked in 6th grade’s birthday is March 19th. The guy in my calculus class senior year of high school who always sang “If I were a Boy” celebrates his birthday on March 9th. The guy I liked from ages 19 to 22 was born on March 21st. Coach and I first met on December 10th after I bailed on him for December 8th. His birthday is one day after mine on November 4th.

Shockingly, my freakish ability to remember dates is not the point of this post!

Coach and I have been seeing each other regularly for five months. Since January 12th. (If I didn’t remember, I could always look back at the blog!) It’s kind of crazy considering I was so adamant about not wanting a relationship. I mean, we’re just dating sooo I guess it’s not really a relationship. #situationship

Anyways, despite a few hiccups here and there, things are going well. But there’s one thing that is a kind of big deal… My cat, Bread, doesn’t particularly like him. (Pictures of Bread provided for your viewing pleasure, but you’re not allowed to side with him just because he’s cute and really fluffy.)

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See, Coach didn’t grow up with animals, and he’s a bit afraid that Bread will bite him. Or something. And while it is true that I don’t have established boundaries with Bread, the fact that he sleeps on the foot of my bed every night isn’t that crazy. And yes, he also follows me around basically everywhere I go – including into the bathroom – but, he’s just a cat. He’s harmless. Super annoying sometimes… but harmless.

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Let me clarify – it’s not that Bread doesn’t like Coach. They get along okay. Coach calls him “Loaf”.

The real problem is: Bread really dislikes me after Coach spends time at my apartment. Why? Because Coach prefers that we leave my bedroom door closed when we go to sleep… and Bread doesn’t like that. So he spends most of the night scratching at the door and for the next day or so simply glares at me from across whatever room I’m in. Devil cat stare. He has even resorted to biting me at times. Like as I’m just walking by! I think I mentioned he’s a jerk, right?

Maybe two months ago, I tried to get Coach to allow Bread to sleep with us. We tried it once and neither one of us slept well that night. I was so aware of Coach, and Coach was so aware of Bread. Since then, I’ve simply left the door shut and suffered through the side eye and random attacks on my feet and legs.

In my opinion, the issue is that they are too similar. Let me explain:

  • They both take up an unnecessarily large part of my bed when I’m trying to sleep.
  • They both communicate with me when they want something (Coach is not a big communicator and Bread only cries when he wants food or to be let out of my room in the middle of the night).
  • They both shed more than they should.
  • They are both male.
  • They both want my attention and affection… like ALL THE TIME.

And therein lies the problem. Unfortunately I don’t think you can teach a cat that sharing is caring. But apparently you can teach them to jump through a hoop you make with your arms… so maybe I’m wrong.

Obviously Coach is going to have to be the one to compromise here. But I also want to respect that he’s not 100% comfortable around animals – especially while sleeping.

So what exactly does one do when their pet and their significant other don’t get along?

I’m no expert – obviously. But here’s what I’m going to try:

  1. Sticking to a schedule when it comes to overnight visits. One time, Coach and I discussed that Sundays and Wednesdays work best for us to get together. Of course, as we spend more and more time together, Mondays and Fridays often get thrown in the mix. Plus some Thursdays, and Saturdays. Yeah basically there is no schedule and we spend a lot of time together. We never hang out on Tuesdays though. Weird. IF I can set a more regular schedule, at least then Bread will come to expect those days (don’t tell me cats can’t tell what day it is).
  2. Sneaking in moments when I’m with Coach and Bread at the same time so they get used to being together. This actually worked the other day. We were just relaxing/attempting to nap (I had eaten too much fried chicken and felt sick), and we all were on my bed. At the same time. And no one complained! I did have to explain to Coach that if Bread sees that you have hands, he will insist that you pet him with them. Rule of thumb: if you don’t want to pet Bread, you must pretend you don’t have hands. He will then ignore you.
  3. Not letting Bread sleep with me every night. I figure if he doesn’t always associate being locked out with Coach, eventually he’ll get used to sometimes having to sleep with my sister (yes, that’s an option like 80% of the time, but I’m the favorite). Maybe one day he will even stop scratching at my door when it’s shut.

If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know! I guess for now, it’s currently a competition – war of sorts – between basically the only two male animals I spend any time with.

And here’s more cat pictures because I know that’s what you’re here for, Sarah.

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