I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a thing where when a guy friend of mine tells me he’s moving to another city, I get all emotional and all of a sudden, out of no where catch feelings for him.
I call it a thing because it has happened not once. Not twice… but four times. FOUR. And the what really makes it a thing, is that it follows this pattern: I (usually) don’t have feelings before they tell me, and then I have allllll the feelings after. And then shit hits the fan in one way or another and all things end badly.
The first time was literal hell. The second time was heart breaking. And the third time was insane. The first guy was a dick, and the third just had some growing up to do. I’m grateful nothing ever really came from any of this. The second time, the feelings were a pre-existing condition and things didn’t end badly, but also our friendship was very strong and still is.
So this fourth time is different. And in an attempt to have grown, I didn’t let myself develop real feelings. We weren’t as close, and because the guy has been saying he’s moving basically for the last year, the sense of urgency that I think fuels the feelings (and inevitable hitting of the fan by shit) doesn’t exist. Apparently he’s really moving next month, and last month or so I drunkenly told him that we should hook up before he left. He said “maybe”. (Maybe?! K.) Whatever, at the time I may have meant it. Now, I sooo don’t.
What is it about news of a departure that drives people into making rash decisions and taking action in a way that they normally wouldn’t? I’m clearly a prime example of this, but I know it happens to other people too. If it didn’t, every movie wouldn’t end with a confession of love in a airport.
There was even a thing in college called Before We Leave (or something like that) where you listed the top people you wished you had hooked up with but didn’t, and if the other person had you on their list then y’all would be notified so you could make plans to smash before you graduated.
Honestly, I don’t have answers. Obviously or I wouldn’t have now done this so many times. But what I will say, is unless the feelings exist beforehand, it’s not worth getting into. There’s no need to race the clock to make something happen that wouldn’t have happened organically. If he’s not going overseas, there’s no reason to rush. And if he is… well that’s what WhatsApp is for.
With #4, we’d had a flirtation for over a year and actually drunkenly made out (I told y’all, that’s my MO). But even though there is a level of attraction, thanks to the positive nature of my relationship with Coach (and even my connection with my third makeout session partner from St. Patrick’s Day), I decided that the attraction isn’t worth the shit.
So when he invited me out last night to “chill” in a way that seemed to want to make that “maybe” and yes, I used the fact that I’ve been sick to my advantage and politely declined.
I’ll cap my thing at 3.5 times and call it a day.