When You’re Dating a Bad Texter…

As we all know, I’m not seeing anyone besides Coach right now. I’ve gone back and forth on if I want to meet other people and I don’t. And it’s not just that I’m lazy (I am). That said, there have been a few times over the last two weeks where I’ve questioned if he’s really interested… because of the way he texts.

See, he responds fine when we do text, but sometimes the conversation feels one sided (my side) with lots of one word answers or disjointed messages from him even if he was the one that started the conversation. And sometimes I get confused about what we’re talking about, misread his tone, and/or he seems completely disinterested. Cue internal alarm bells.

Normally I would take this as a sign to cut off communication – He’s not interested, so why am I wasting my time? Plus, I don’t want to come across too eager or needy. HOWEVER, in the few times he and I have talked on the phone, things are fine. And while he doesn’t talk as much as I do (who does?), we never seem to run out of things to talk about when we are together. SO, I’m going to chalk up the text issue to a condition many people suffer from, something I’ve decided to call Maltextitis.

Symptoms of maltextitis (bad texter disease) include one word responses, long pauses in conversation – up to a few days even, and texts that don’t seem to have a developed or positive text tone (y’all know what I’m talking about). Coach definitely has maltextitis.

So what do you do when you’re dating someone who sucks at texting?

First: chill. And remind yourself that they are just a bad texter and it has nothing to do with you or their interest in you. People are busy and it’s probably a good thing he’s not on his phone 24/7. If he were, he’d be glued to it instead of to you when you’re together. And that, my friend, is never fun. It can also lead to suspicion about what he’s doing on his phone and who he’s messaging. Don’t go there.

Second: express a desire for better communication. If that means you start talking on the phone, do it. I know we’re not a phone call generation, but as my mother tells me, it’s a great way to get to know someone and stay connected when you’re apart. Shocking, I know. At least we’re not trying to talk to someone on a phone with a cord like our parents did. Other options include: Snapchat (though imho this is the lowest form of communication), Facebook, or even Gchat while you’re both at work (we all have that open so don’t play).

Tres: Figure out how he does express himself, make a note of it, and subtly encourage it. Coach told me yesterday that he was thinking about me all day but was busy and didn’t want to text me if he couldn’t keep a conversation. It was very sweet and I was kind of disappointed I didn’t get a cute check in text. I told him that “Thinking of you” texts are fine by me. (And as I said this, I gagged a little and then went back to smiling).

Lastly, if you’re really looking for constant contact, maybe a bad texter isn’t right for you. Communication is key in a relationship and if their slow response rate really doesn’t work for you, you might just have to find someone who is on the same page as you text-wise. In general, I don’t think being a bad texter is a deal breaker, but I don’t think people change their texting ways.

So there you have it. If you ask me, texting is for checking in and making plans. Beyond that, just spend time together.


5 thoughts on “When You’re Dating a Bad Texter…

  1. We’ve all been there! This puts a positive perspective on bad texters and you give great advice. On a personal note, the response I hate receiving most of all…👍🏻. It guarantees I won’t initiate another conversation ever again!

    Liked by 1 person

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