But When Do You Know, Really?

People always say “when you know, you know” when it comes to meeting someone or finding your (quote, unquote) soulmate. And like… I get it in theory. But when do you know, really?

Like when do you decide you know? That the small sense that the person you’ve been spending time with is absolutely, without a doubt, really someone you want to have a relationship with or *gulp* marry? And how do you know?!

So over the weekend I spent a significant amount of time with Coach and though I was sick of swiping anyways, I finally decided to stop keeping my options open. I deleted Hinge (because it sucks anyways) and hid myself on Tinder. I also canceled a date I had scheduled for tonight with a new guy. He seemed super nice and smart and a good guy and I hope he finds someone. I texted him to cancel our date tried to explain the situation.

Drafting the text was weird because it wasn’t a typical breakup text. Honestly, I think we would’ve gotten along if timing had been on his side. But it was also weird because I was just sitting staring at my phone, trying to figure how to tell a total stranger that I couldn’t go out with him because I’m in a very new, not yet exclusive, not yet defined, potentially could end at any point dating situation with a guy who I’ve only seen on five different occasions… thank God I know his last name.

And the whole situation feels weird because a) I’m me and b) it’s completely new territory…

The guy I was sorta, kinda seeing over the summer that I mentioned in my post about first kisses… the one who responded to my final okay emoji with a thumbs up emoji (I’m going to call him French Toast because on our first date we went to brunch and he kept talking about how much he loved French toast and even though it wasn’t on the menu asked the waitress if they had any)… was probably the closest I’ve ever come to liking someone that I was dating. As a write this, I realize that this makes me sound like a heartless ice princess, but I promise you I’m not. It’s just hard for me to let people in and therefore I mostly experience indifference (and attraction, of course).

Anyways… so French Toast and I went out a number of times. We got along fine, but I don’t think either of us like really liked the other. Instead we continued to go out and hang out because we didn’t not like each other. Does that make sense? He was fine company and he didn’t do anything that I would count as a red flag or a dealbreaker.

Sometimes relationships are founded on a mutual non-dislike of each other. Very romantic, I know. I’m not saying these are the best relationships, but I’m sure it’s common. People don’t want to be alone.

With Coach I’m also trying to not jump the gun or put the cart before the horse or count my eggs before they hatch, etc. because as I’ve mentioned before, liking someone feels awful. But I do like him and while it’s not really a “when you know, you know” situation, what I do know is that he’s worth getting to know.

And as Reese Witherspoon’s dad says in Sweet Home Alabama: You can’t ride two horses with one ass.


3 thoughts on “But When Do You Know, Really?

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