It’s not even 9:00pm and I’m in my bed. I could fall asleep so easily if I allowed it. But I’m waiting up to see Coach. It’s weird having plans with someone three times in about a week. And despite the later hour, this ain’t no booty call. It is all new territory for me and I’m trying to go with the flow.
He had plans to take his brother to a movie tonight. *Insert aww here* He really is a good guy. It’s slightly nauseating. But nice. Of course.
So now I have sloshy margarita belly and I’m laying in my bed trying not to fall asleep thinking about why I can’t name another guy I’ve dated that is a “good guy”. I’d like to think I don’t just go out with ass holes…
But despite the fact that the “nice guys finish last” idea is simply ridiculous and completely stemmed in male entitlement… is it true? I’ve been out with a number of guys that I’ve deemed too nice. For me, and in general. It’s not that I’m a bitch… I mean maybe sometimes… but I will admit that it’s kind of a turnoff being with someone who comes off too eager to please (not like that, get your head out of the gutter) or too afraid to step on toes. And in addition, if I meet a guy and think I would a) break him (not physically, but like emotionally or mentally) or b) chew him up and spit him out like a 10 cent chicken wing… I’m not interested. If he’s not going to hold his own, call me out on my shit, and argue back, then he’s not the one for me.
The guy I went out with a few times who’s fiancée left him for another woman was one of those guys that opened every door for me, rushed in front of me to speak with the host, waited to sit until I was seated, and insisted I had the first bite to eat at dinner. I realize these are basic manners, but for some reason it was just too much. He ended up sticking his tongue down my throat – an unwelcome action – so I guess he wasn’t really that nice after all.
Anyways, imho we women are perfectly rational beings (no matter what day we are on in our cycles) and yet more often than not, we choose to steer clear of nice men when we meet them. But what is it about guys that aren’t nice #badboys that draws us in? Is it their indifference that leaves us wanting more or some fucked up Freudian shit that makes us seek the attention of men who simply could not care less about us?
For me personally, I think it’s less about them being nice or not nice, and more about them giving me my independence and acknowledging that I am capable. When a guy is distant, I (incorrectly) read that as a “you do you” situation, which I think is a really important element of a mature relationship. I’m not about clingy. However, the majority of the time it’s simply a lack of interest or that they are keeping me on the back burner as they look for something better. Not a good guy move.
Theory number two. There is also always a thrill to the chase. Us ladies can’t play like we don’t know the game. We make the game! I think I’ve mentioned that most of the time I’m pretty indifferent about guys I’ve dated… so for them my indifference is a challenge. And for me, their indifference is endearing. We are both sooooo wrong and I feel like once we actually connect, the “will they, won’t they” spark disappears.
My third, and I think most accurate, theory is that with a guy that we know is bad news, there is less potential for heartbreak because there is less potential for feelings. And when things don’t work out, even once we get to the point of maybe thinking he’ll change, knowing he’s a dick makes him easier to get over. Telling your friends that the sex was great but he is a piece of shit person is easier than saying that you let your unrealistic expectations of changing him get the best of you and now you’re heartbroken even though deep down you knew better.
So while these margaritas are making me sleepy, they are also opening my brain up to the idea of maybe not doing what I normally do when it comes to dating. Takeaways: Good guys are good and indifference and games are bad. And sloshy belly is never a good feeling.