Blame it on the A A A A A Alcohol

This weekend was fun, but also tough. I saw one of my best friends for his birthday and remembered just how hard it is to have friends far away. On top of the massive amounts of chocolate covered pretzels (I will stop obsessing over this soon, but they were just not as good as I wanted them to be), I don’t think I had a meal without also ordering a drink. Or two. Which is sooo not a big deal, but it definitely played a part in my gin and tonic fueled meltdown. I mean, who hasn’t drunk cried over chocolate covered pretzels alone in a hotel room?

But let’s get real: just about tied with mid-afternoon hangovers as a result of too many brunch mimosas and falling asleep before 7pm, drunk crying is literally the most tame thing alcohol makes us do.

To make myself feel slightly better about the weekend, here’s a wonderful list of the glamorous things we’ve all done that I’d like to blame alcohol for:

  1. Going skinny dipping in the ocean after countless lemon drop shots
  2. Crawling up the stairs from said beach because you can’t risk standing
  3. Publicly singing songs from High School Musical but changing the words to be about buffalo chicken pizza
  4. Getting felt up in a dive bar on Valentine’s Day
  5. Changing your phone password and locking yourself out of your phone
  6. Almost missing class the next morning because of it
  7. Getting stuck in New York City overnight and watching your friend throw up in a trashcan on the subway platform
  8. Nearly hooking up with a guy who may have had a girlfriend instead of taking care of said friend
  9. Kissing a stranger in exchange for a candy cane on a Christmas bar crawl
  10. Ordering all the pizza while black-out on your way home from said bar crawl
  11. Commandeering the music at a party and playing Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” on repeat for a good 20 minutes
  12. Throwing up in a giant red bucket the next morning
  13. Going drink for drink with a guy who has a tolerance twice as tolerant as yours
  14. Convincing your friend to drive you to some guy’s apartment even though the guy is dead asleep
  15. Kissing a stranger at your favorite bar’s millennium night and having his mouth be really cold
  16. Having the bartender lose your credit card behind the bar (and on the bright side not having to pay for a single drink) at said millennium night
  17. Dry-heaving the next morning but somehow rallying just in time Mother’s Day brunch extremely hungover but able to keep your avocado toast down
  18. Making out with someone you should definitely never have make out with outside a bar in the very late hours of a weeknight
  19. Telling totally different someone that you have feelings for them but that they don’t have to respond
  20. Getting a hickey from a stranger at your favorite bar’s millennium night
  21. Having to find a scarf that seems appropriate for summer the next morning so you can go to Father’s Day breakfast
  22. Spitting that last tequila shot back up on the bar
  23. Flirting with the Jamaican drum player that works on the cruise ship you’re on for your birthday and definitely not stalking him later on that night (and for the rest of the trip)
  24. Hooking up with someone in the middle of a party that you’re hosting
  25. Getting into a quite public verbal altercation with your sister about your decision to hookup with someone in the middle of a party that you’re hosting

So there you have it! Drunk crying is nothing…but either way, I blame it on the alcohol. Not the emotions. Here’s to a happy year filled with questionable decisions set to a Jamie Foxx and T-Pain classic. #cheers


5 thoughts on “Blame it on the A A A A A Alcohol

      1. My drinking war cry used to be “tits out for Jägerbombs”, I once broke my arm from falling off a lamppost as I tried to climb to the top to “swing like a monkey” and I had sex with a policemen in his patrol car.
        Im a very classy drunk!

        Liked by 1 person

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