And The Appropriate Response to a “Breakup” Text is…

I’m so over male privilege right now. Every woman is. It was made clear by the women at the Golden Globes that we are done putting up with harassment and abuse at the hands of men.

While this post isn’t about that exactly, I think that the same thread of male entitlement can be applied to how many men respond to the “breakup” text.

breakuptext (1)

Around lunch time yesterday I texted the guy I wrote about in my last post who claimed he didn’t want a serious relationship (but came on oh so strong). I told him it was nice to talk to him, but I didn’t think we wanted the same thing, and wished him luck (because what am I if not polite).

He responded by telling me we hadn’t even met for coffee yet (like I OWED him coffee) and then asked what exactly I was looking for.

Why am I made to explain myself or feel bad when I’m simply being straightforward about what I want – or in this case, what I don’t want?

The “Break Up” Text

Trust me, I’ve been there…you’ve been talking to someone and have maybe even gone out once or twice, and you think you feel a connection and then suddenly you get the “breakup” text. It sucks. It stings even though you’re not actually dating. You feel like shit, and for a moment you think “did I do something wrong?”

But as a woman, when you send a “breakup” text, it almost feels worse. Not only did you spend a good five minutes crafting the nice three sentence message (that you definitely sent to at least one girlfriend for approval), but there is no sense of relief once it’s sent. Instead, you stare at your phone hoping that the guy you doesn’t respond.


Because instead of feeling proud of yourself for being direct about what you want, you worry. You worry he’ll responding with a bunch of profanities. You worry he’ll calling you some derogatory name reserved only for women. You worry he’ll reject your rejection. You worry he’ll continue contacting you. You worry he’ll do something unthinkable.

We shouldn’t have to worry.

The Appropriate Response

There is no reason why we should be questioned or made to feel like we owe anyone anything. There is no reason for a man to swear or call us names.

This is a PSA for all the men in the world: When someone sends you the “break up” text, all you need to say is “Okay, thanks for letting me know. Best of luck.” That is the proper response. And if you choose to respond (which you don’t have to), it should be your only response.

Now, if a guy responds in a way that is not appropriate, we don’t need to explain ourselves, or feel bad, or give him a chance. We DO NOT owe him any response.

I did not respond to his text yesterday. I knew it would make no difference anyways. I’m an at-will dater. We all are.

We owe nothing.

End. Of. Story.


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