The situation is all too familiar…
You’ve matched with a handsome gentleman on one of the many dating apps/websites. He sends you a message like “Hey, how’s your week going?”. You appreciate that he kept it PG and give him props for not just saying “Hey”, so you respond with a “Pretty good. Wishing it were Friday lol”. You keep messaging back and forth for a bit until one of you asks the very important question of “So, what are you looking for?”
Depending on what you’re looking for, his answer could end the potential romance right there. As I’ve said before, I don’t really know what I’m looking for… but I’m not trying to be anyone’s wife at the moment #sorrynotsorry. I also think that going into a dating situation with very specific expectations is a sure fire way to set yourself up for disappointment… especially when you haven’t even met in person.
So in my most recent experience with this, the guy and I were on the same page. Or so I thought.
After a few days messaging through the app (yes, Tinder), we started texting and he asked when we could meet. I suggested the following week since I was busy. Though he said the next week worked, that same day he asked me what I was up to and said he wanted to see me. I told him I had a shitty day and was staying home. He offered to bring me hot chocolate and cheer me up. I said no. Again. He insisted on calling me.
During the call he told me that I was “special” (and then felt the need to clarify that he didn’t mean I had special needs), mentioned his ex-girlfriend at least three times, and suggested we take a weekend trip to New York City to see a Broadway show. He ended the call telling me that it was refreshing to find a girl who was so “chill” (aka not looking for a serious relationship).
Have I mentioned that we hadn’t even met yet? AND, this guy straight up told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious!
Now, I do not claim to know how the male brain works, but I do know that literally none of the things that went down that evening point to him not wanting a serious relationship. I’m not saying he was lying…but he sure as hell wasn’t being 100% honest.
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, here are 5 signs he might want something serious even when he says he doesn’t:
1. He wants to do more than “hang out”. If you could you write a book report on the movie or show that you put on when he came over… you might be doing this casual thing wrong.
2. He’s overly accommodating when it comes to working around your schedule to make plans. It’s great when people are flexible, but being too available can come across as needy. And like the guy from my story, not taking no for an answer is a little pushy.
3. He tells you about his day and genuinely wants to hear about yours. While it’s nice to have someone to check in with at the end of the day, we have friends for that. Men satisfy their emotional needs through their significant others and not friends.
4. He introduces you to friends or family…to see if they approve.
5. He discusses making plans for the future. Any plans beyond the next time you see each other shows longterm interest and mentioning a potential trip before you’ve even met raises a flag or two.
So I’m not saying that any of these things mean a guy wants to marry you. Chances are the guy I was talking to actually thinks he want something casual. But from what I could tell, he wasn’t being 100% honest…with himself. Of course, everyone is different! Who knows? It’s possible that planning a weekend trip away still falls under “casual” in his book.