New Year, not so New Me.

The sun has set on the first day of 2018. I am still in my bed.

I woke up at 6:30am, went to the bathroom, chugged water, and went back to sleep. I didn’t make a resolution last night… well I did. It was to have more good sex. So if sending suggestive texts to the guy I’ve been talking to who is home on break from law school counts, I have been working really hard to make my dream a reality.

Of course, I want to lose weight and be healthy. 

But the situation is this: I like Old Me and she sure as hell isn’t about to change her ways just because it’s suddenly a different year. So here are some tips for treating yourself right in 2018 while not giving into the “New Year, New Me” crap. Remember, there’s probably nothing wrong with the Old You.

1. Focus on what you want.

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I spent so many years telling myself I wanted to lose weight. But when it came down to it, I continued to choose not to exercise and to eat things I knew were bad for me.

When I finally started losing weight, it wasn’t because I wanted to be skinny. It was because I wanted to get stronger and faster in the off chance I might be abducted by a serial killer and need to get away so I could end up on I Survived. And because I wanted to be able to be picked up during sex…

No matter what you say you want to do, if you don’t actually want to do it, you won’t.

2. Set small, realistic goals.


I get it, realistic goals are boring and we get bored rather easily (blame electronics). Instead, we set exciting goals like saying you’re going to lose ten pounds in 10 days. When we set unrealistic goals and don’t reach them, we still feel that regret and disappointment even though we know the goal wasn’t attainable to begin with.

I frequently tell myself that I’m going to wake up before 8am every day and workout, shower, AND get to work early. I know myself and it’s not going to happen. The fact that I’m still in bed after 4pm on basically a Sunday should tell you that I like to sleep and will choose sleep over anything.

My proven method is to set a series of small totally doable goals and the more you reach them, the more you’ll feel inspired to set more slightly larger goals.

3. Redefine Failure.

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The “failure is not an option” approach is ridiculous. You are going to have set backs and you’re going to feel like you’ve failed. It’s normal.

There will be days that you don’t want to go to the gym. Nights when you can’t bring yourself to make dinner so you wait until you should be going to bed and order takeout from the only place open that will deliver to your apartment at such a weird hour. Whatever you ordered is not going to be healthy by any means.

Don’t see this set back as failure.

The “Oh well, I’ll just eat like shit for the next five days and start again Monday” attitude is a cop out and you know it. It is not the end! Just get right back on track. Drink your kale smoothie in the morning. The only way you can really fail is if you give up.

4. Remember there is only you.

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This is the problem with the “New Me” mentality… Old You and New You are the same person. And that person is pretty cool and has somehow made it to this point in life.

The fact that we’re now in a new year makes no difference. If you’re going to prioritize going to the gym and eating right, or getting a new job, or finding love, or whatever… you’re going to prioritize it no matter what year it is.

And if you’re only looking to be New You because you drank too much last night, didn’t kiss anyone at midnight, woke up with a huge hangover, and haven’t left your bed all day… it’s cool, we’ve all been there.


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